On Traditional Values and Being a Stay At Home Wife & Mother

I have traversed through dimensional realities in pursuit of a long-held vision/dream that I now find intrinsically dissatisfying. Throughout the entire course of my life, I have loved to sing. God, I love it. It is a great joy to me! It is deeply healing to my spirit… and I think it is fair to say that I am very good at it. I love that I am an artistic and creative person. I love that I write and dance. However, I also know that deep inside of me, I have no desire to be famous. I have no desire to be out at night performing in clubs when I already know that I am a morning person. I have struggled with the truth of the following statement as I know it is most unpopular but I know in my heart of hearts that it is true: I have never as a woman had any desire to make any sort of career achievement my primary ambition. There, I said it… let the rock throwing begin.

When I was growing up as a little girl in the seventies, women’s liberation was all over the news. The Equal Rights Amendment was being discussed on the television and in Congress. Women were out in droves picketing and marching for their right to enter the workplace and compete on equal footing with men for jobs outside of the home. I remember all of this and thinking it was only fitting that women should be allowed to work and earn a fair wage in the workplace if that is what they wanted to do. I had and have never had a problem with that idea.

My problem has come about because somewhere along the line, American societal thinking has seemed to flip completely upside-down to the point that if a woman wants to be a wife and mother, there is something wrong with her. She is lazy. She lacks ambition. She wants to go back in time. She is unwilling to support herself. She is unimaginative and has no desire to better herself. Excuse me but I got a college degree because I value education. I wanted to have something to contribute and offer intellectually to my family and I do believe everyone should have access to education… especially girls. Education (at least the way it used to be) helps to make one a thinking person and contributes to a better society in general, in my opinion.

In my own experience, I learned the hard way that when it came down to it, I was not willing to sacrifice family on the altar of worldly achievement for what I considered blood money — and what they called a paycheck. Am I the only one who sees that our modern world is out of balance? If everyone is supposed to be out in pursuit of money and if acquiring said money is supposed to be such a good thing, then why are our families falling apart? Why is our society so unhealthy? Why are our children so confused to the point that they have to think about what gender they are? America, we can’t all be doing the same thing. At what point is enough, enough? Equal rights? What a bunch of lies!

When did it become wrong in America for a woman to want to stay home and take care of one’s family? I know that it is unpopular but now, it seems mutinous and even sexist to even suggest the logic and necessity of having someone on home base? Who is holding up our families if everyone is working outside the home? Something must be very wrong with me because I just never wanted anything else. I have always taken pride in being a full-time wife and mother. I never felt there was an age that my son grew into where he no longer needed me. When he became a teenager, I did not say to myself that he needs me less. If anything, he needed access to me more. Certainly, he is in college now and needs me less but make no mistake about it… he still needs me.

When my husband was alive, I took pride in supporting his career. I enjoyed being the woman behind the man. I enjoyed listening to his day and telling him about mine. I loved cooking for my family, shopping for my family… being home to greet them when they got home after a long day. Believe it or not, I enjoyed doing the dishes and I really did not mind doing the laundry. As a wife and a mother, I was a great success. My husband’s success was my success. My son’s success is my success… and also my success came from being their strength. My love was shown in all my daily sacrifices to lift them up. Love always exists in my world because as a woman working as a wife and mother, I was always giving myself away to others and to it… love itself.

One of the best and most endearing things about my husband was that we shared this unpopular traditional value of what a family looks like and how best it works for us. It was a value I searched for many years to find in another person. I knew it was essential if any sort of long-term union was to be established. How rare is the man seeking a traditional wife nowadays! How rare is the woman who actually enjoys such an old-fashioned idea as being a stay home wife and mother? I want to be clear that I am in no way, shape or form advocating that all women must stay at home and take care of their husbands and children. I understand that some women don’t have children nor do they want children. Some women truly want to pursue different career paths and pursue worldly success… and they should be allowed to do so. More power to them. We have some brilliant ladies out there! For me, that pricetag was just too high in terms of my family and what I felt it cost society in general where I was concerned. I was not willing to pay it. I don’t think that decision makes me any less brilliant than those ladies pursing their careers. My light just shines in a different place.

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