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On Traditional Values and Being a Stay At Home Wife & Mother

Sunday, September 24th, 2017

I have traversed through dimensional realities in pursuit of a long-held vision/dream that I now find intrinsically dissatisfying. Throughout the entire course of my life, I have loved to sing. God, I love it. It is a great joy to me! It is deeply healing to my spirit… and I think it is fair to say that I am very good at it. I love that I am an artistic and creative person. I love that I write and dance. However, I also know that deep inside of me, I have no desire to be famous. I have no desire to be out at night performing in clubs when I already know that I am a morning person. I have struggled with the truth of the following statement as I know it is most unpopular but I know in my heart of hearts that it is true: I have never as a woman had any desire to make any sort of career achievement my primary ambition. There, I said it… let the rock throwing begin.

When I was growing up as a little girl in the seventies, women’s liberation was all over the news. The Equal Rights Amendment was being discussed on the television and in Congress. Women were out in droves picketing and marching for their right to enter the workplace and compete on equal footing with men for jobs outside of the home. I remember all of this and thinking it was only fitting that women should be allowed to work and earn a fair wage in the workplace if that is what they wanted to do. I had and have never had a problem with that idea.

My problem has come about because somewhere along the line, American societal thinking has seemed to flip completely upside-down to the point that if a woman wants to be a wife and mother, there is something wrong with her. She is lazy. She lacks ambition. She wants to go back in time. She is unwilling to support herself. She is unimaginative and has no desire to better herself. Excuse me but I got a college degree because I value education. I wanted to have something to contribute and offer intellectually to my family and I do believe everyone should have access to education… especially girls. Education (at least the way it used to be) helps to make one a thinking person and contributes to a better society in general, in my opinion.

In my own experience, I learned the hard way that when it came down to it, I was not willing to sacrifice family on the altar of worldly achievement for what I considered blood money — and what they called a paycheck. Am I the only one who sees that our modern world is out of balance? If everyone is supposed to be out in pursuit of money and if acquiring said money is supposed to be such a good thing, then why are our families falling apart? Why is our society so unhealthy? Why are our children so confused to the point that they have to think about what gender they are? America, we can’t all be doing the same thing. At what point is enough, enough? Equal rights? What a bunch of lies!

When did it become wrong in America for a woman to want to stay home and take care of one’s family? I know that it is unpopular but now, it seems mutinous and even sexist to even suggest the logic and necessity of having someone on home base? Who is holding up our families if everyone is working outside the home? Something must be very wrong with me because I just never wanted anything else. I have always taken pride in being a full-time wife and mother. I never felt there was an age that my son grew into where he no longer needed me. When he became a teenager, I did not say to myself that he needs me less. If anything, he needed access to me more. Certainly, he is in college now and needs me less but make no mistake about it… he still needs me.

When my husband was alive, I took pride in supporting his career. I enjoyed being the woman behind the man. I enjoyed listening to his day and telling him about mine. I loved cooking for my family, shopping for my family… being home to greet them when they got home after a long day. Believe it or not, I enjoyed doing the dishes and I really did not mind doing the laundry. As a wife and a mother, I was a great success. My husband’s success was my success. My son’s success is my success… and also my success came from being their strength. My love was shown in all my daily sacrifices to lift them up. Love always exists in my world because as a woman working as a wife and mother, I was always giving myself away to others and to it… love itself.

One of the best and most endearing things about my husband was that we shared this unpopular traditional value of what a family looks like and how best it works for us. It was a value I searched for many years to find in another person. I knew it was essential if any sort of long-term union was to be established. How rare is the man seeking a traditional wife nowadays! How rare is the woman who actually enjoys such an old-fashioned idea as being a stay home wife and mother? I want to be clear that I am in no way, shape or form advocating that all women must stay at home and take care of their husbands and children. I understand that some women don’t have children nor do they want children. Some women truly want to pursue different career paths and pursue worldly success… and they should be allowed to do so. More power to them. We have some brilliant ladies out there! For me, that pricetag was just too high in terms of my family and what I felt it cost society in general where I was concerned. I was not willing to pay it. I don’t think that decision makes me any less brilliant than those ladies pursing their careers. My light just shines in a different place.

Is Invasion a Subtle Act of War?

Sunday, September 24th, 2017

The many faces of invasion and why we have to be ever watchful so as not to be on either side of the fence – the invader or the invaded.

Whenever I hear the word invasion, what immediately comes to mind is one country invading another. We have ultimately learned that the reasons we are given for the invasion are rarely the whole story. There is more often than not a hidden agenda, some element of self-serving and ulterior motives which are never meant to see the light of day. That is the nature of invasion – it is insidious and used for the benefit of the invader and not the invaded. It makes sense – if what we are offering is beneficial to both parties, then an invasion wouldn’t be necessary – an invitation would be extended and the other party given a choice.

We can justify invasion as much as we want – that we are saving and/or improving people’s lives etc. but invasion is still invasion. Some people will always want to be ‘saved’, rather than expending the effort to save themselves, and will welcome the intervention, but there are many who will consider it just a matter of exchanging one form of slavery over another.

If we have invited someone along to a party and they become intrusive, then we can ask them to leave. However, it doesn’t often work that way with invasion. The invader is perceived as the more dominant and powerful, sometimes even as a saviour. However, over a period of time, even if our lives have been saved by the initial invasion, resentment starts to fester and rise to the surface. People start muttering and mumbling, they start asking questions about exactly what benefits the invader received when they ‘saved’ them. These are weighed and measured and often, in hindsight, the cost is agreed to have been much too high. Invasion is never transparent – there is always the danger of exposure, and eventually it’s ‘Mutiny on the Bounty’ all over again.

It is difficult to separate invasion into different categories, because each one tends to bleed into the other. Physical invasion can lead to mental invasion and to spiritual invasion and so on. As I’ve said before, invasion is insidious!

Physical invasion

Physical invasion is the most obvious and visible one. It comes in the form of sexual assault, torture, beatings and imprisonment of one form or another.

These are all used as acts of war in order to quell the opposition so victory is assured. It begs the question – can we therefore go one step further and say that invasion is in fact an act of war – in whatever form it comes? Invasion of a country, sexual harassment of a co-worker or bullying of someone at school – isn’t it just a matter of degree?

Some hurt and angry children learn to become bullies. If they aren’t healed or made accountable, they become adult bullies. These adult bullies might then have children of their own, who learn their behaviour and continue it into the next generation. Some adult bullies end up as heads of corporations and powerful public figures. This is where global acts of war are likely to begin. It becomes a self-perpetuating cycle of fear driven behaviour.

Mental Invasion

Bullying doesn’t have to be physical. In these days of social media it has become a violent and cruel form of torture of another human being. Most of these bullies are able to remain anonymous, which makes it more sinister in some ways because there is no-one to be held accountable. The person smiling at you from across the room could actually be the person who is sending the vile messages.

The news is full of stories of people being bullied due to their physical appearance, their sexual orientation, religious beliefs etc. This breaks down the person’s self-worth and self-confidence, to the extent that sometimes even a loving family can’t repair the damage done. This form of invasion can culminate in people taking their own lives, when their feeling of isolation becomes too much to bear.

Forcing our opinions onto others is also a form of invasion. Have you ever had a conversation with someone who is very intense and stares into your eyes while waiting for your response, virtually willing you to agree with them? I have and I know that I have felt very uncomfortable, under pressure and desperately looking for the nearest exit! Invasion has that effect!

Any planting of our own beliefs, or educated guesses, into someone else’s mind as the ultimate truth is a form of invasion. Some years ago I came across the stories of two ladies who had both been diagnosed with the same ‘terminal’ disease, and had both been given 3 months to live by their respective doctors. One of these ladies I met but the other I didn’t because she had taken the doctor’s words to heart, lost hope and passed on a few days before the 3 months was up. The other lady however, though obviously frightened, rejected the doctor’s diagnosis. She had 3 young children and was determined not to leave them. She went on an emotional journey to discover the cause of her illness and went on to heal herself. Fourteen years later and I am told she is still alive and kicking.

It brings to mind a man I met who helped me a lot when I started my own conscious spiritual journey at the age of 19. His name was Joseph Benjamin, and he told the story that 15 years previously his doctor had given him 6 months to live – he was still alive and the doctor was dead. He used to relay that story with gusto.

Spiritual Invasion

I am of the belief that we are spiritual beings having a material experience. Therefore, spiritual invasion strikes at the very core of who we are – it trumps physical and mental invasion every time.

This is where people’s actions come from on a subconscious level – whether they are religious fanatics or atheists, to everything in between those extremes. The physical and mental functions are driven from this core belief.

There are places in the world where people don’t want their photos taken because they believe that their spirit will be captured. There are other places where people believe in being cursed, and that if they don’t behave in certain ways their souls will be condemned to eternal damnation.

I have personally been told about people who cast spells in order to bring someone’s loved one back to them. Maybe a lock of hair, or some belonging, is handed over and a spell is cast. The power of belief is such that often the loved one does return (unless they are strong minded enough to resist), but usually only for a limited period and often it’s not a happy experience. The reason being is that their personal choice has been compromised, they have been manipulated and drawn back against their will – they would never have returned if by invitation alone. Relationships of any kind have to be mutual and not driven by one person, with the other along for the ride.

Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, and to worship or not according to their own inclination. Religious beliefs, like any other, should come from personal experience and not just adopted because it is expected, or because the beliefs have been handed down through generations. What was good enough for your father is not necessarily good enough for you.

Spiritual invasion occurs when people are victimised according to their beliefs, and threatened if they don’t conform. Some years ago I travelled to an island where some of the residents were organising a festival which I participated in. I found some very interesting things there – the ruling family had outlawed any form of medium-ship, tarot reading etc. These were considered as breaking the law, as dictated by a book which had been written in the sixteenth century. There had been a dispensation that for the 3 day festival it was allowed, but after that it was a crime. In fact, one reader who continued doing readings from her hotel room actually had the police knock on the door and tell her to stop. The most interesting, and tragic, thing for me was shown in the handwriting of the youth there – so many young people exhibiting stress, anxiety, depression and sometimes even suicidal tendencies. The future generation were being severely impacted through this enforced lack of freedom to make their own choices.

Acts of love which are actually invasive behaviours

Parents, teachers and mentors who don’t want their charges to ‘grow up’ can become invasive if they aren’t careful. This is usually seen and generally accepted as loving protection. It comes in the form of speaking for their charges long after they should be speaking for themselves, and/or monitoring and over-seeing them so that they never get a feeling of being trusted, or being seen as responsible human beings.

We need to look at our motivation very closely. Are we acting out of love for the other person, or out of fear that we are going to be abandoned, that we won’t be needed any more? Whatever the intention, a feeling of resentment and wanting to escape will inevitably occur, and what could have been a loving and supportive relationship breaks down, and sometimes becomes damaged beyond repair. We all need to know when to let go, and let others make their own decisions without our interference, unless we are invited to comment of course.

Invasive tactics used within business

People who systematically use invasion to acquire their goals are hard-wired into the fear mentality – the belief that if they don’t force people they won’t be successful. People who use invitation, however, are hard-wired into the love mentality – they know that the right people will come to them willingly, and a mutually beneficial relationship can be forged. Invasion might get more sales in the initial stages, as people are manipulated into believing it’s for their own good – but invitation wins out overall, because people who engage in the initial stages are much more likely to stay with us long term, or as long as the relationship remains beneficial and pertinent to both parties.

Politicians and unethical corporations around the world have invasion down to a fine art. They invade people’s minds with the belief that various life threatening practices are quite safe – when, in fact, the only winners are themselves. This is where glitzy and emotion-inducing marketing campaigns come into play. When some of the people prove resistant to that particular form of invasion, another tactic is employed – that of ridicule. To make the non-believers laughing stocks in front of others, and to belittle them to the extent that the general public think they are either crazy or delusional.

I think that most of us have heard what happens to whistle blowers – the full weight of the law is thrown at them and they often lose their reputations and are exiled from their own countries, unless they are prepared to go to jail. It must be a terrifying experience for them, and their belief in the necessity of their actions would have to be rock solid for them to commit such social suicide. This is invasion in an extreme form, because whole populations are put at risk in order that a relatively few invaders can benefit and live luxurious and powerful lives!

Conclusion

I believe that we should only believe what we absolutely know to be true from our own experience, and be prepared to adjust our beliefs on the discovery of further evidence. We should remain open minded, and if we follow that path we will be able to fend off most forms of invasion, because we will know what we stand for and will have developed a strong sense of self.

Due to its insidious nature, I think that we would all do well to look within and see invasion as something we potentially do to others, not just that others do to us. It is easy to take the moral high ground, but whenever we act in our own interests to the detriment of another, we are using invasion in one form or another. Anything we do to manipulate a situation, be it physical, mental or spiritual, is a way of invading someone else’s space in some way and it’s unacceptable.

If, on the other hand, invitation was seen as a necessity rather than just an option, we would have a much happier and more balanced world to live in. All situations would be transparent and negotiation would be open and honest. Hidden agendas would become a thing of the past, and we could have confidence in the people with whom we choose to associate.